The Art of the Facebook Friend Request

It’s creepy to friend request someone a generation younger than you.  I mean, really really creepy.  Don’t do it.  Then you are a creep.

I learned this early in my social media life.  Years ago, when Facebook became an athletic department nemesis, our Director of Athletics gathered the entire department in a large classroom and explained that each coach needed to get on Facebook and see the pictures their student athletes posted and tagged.  14 of our 16 sports had pictures tagged which, if not an NCAA violation, were a violation of our code of behavior. 

They were given one week to clean things up and staff was asked to set up an account and poke around, as well.  I set my account up then forgot about it.  About a month before my son was graduating from high school I got my first friend request.  It was from his best friend.  I only knew because I got an e-mail about his request and that he wrote on my wall.  My wall?

I accepted and took a peek at my account but still had no idea how it really worked.  Within a week at least 20 of his friends requested me and I accepted them all.  My son thought it was the strangest thing and did not want to have any part of me being on Facebook.  I totally respected his feelings and never EVER asked him to include me.  This was his world and I did not want to interfere.

The kids included me in conversation and when they went away to school they kept in touch with a quick post or tag.  Sometime first semester my son requested me and I enjoy being a part of this world. 

Here are my rules:

            I never request anyone a generation younger than me.  That includes my cousin’s kids, my son’s friends and kids in the neighborhood.  If they want me in their timeline they request me.  I am pleased to say I have developed wonderful relationships with many of the “cousins” and respect their invitations by not stalking their wall.

            Unless they are close personal friends, I do not request any co-workers.  I think it is important to recognize that relationships at work are not the same as relationships outside of work. 

            If I do not recognize a name (especially a female who chooses not to use her maiden name) and we have no friends in common, I ignore.  Linkedin and Twitter are the professional me.  Facebook is a peek inside my living room.  I don’t open my door to strangers.  

That little icon pops up and gives me a burst of excitement every time.  Who will it be?  Is it someone I haven’t heard from in years?  High school?  College?  I can hardly wait to click the little red icon and see who it is…

Life is good!

Jude

Twitter: MidMajorMom

Twitter: JudeCaserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

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That One Flight Segment Home

While I know that today is the busiest travel day of the year and TSA rules are causing a political and practical stir, you cannot underestimate the power of one…one flight segment.

When we had the “college talk” years ago we instituted very few rules about schools.  The one I was very firm about was the “one flight segment” rule.  This was the one where we wanted him to select a school no further than one airport you can get to without a plane change.  From Buffalo that did not limit him very much.  It only took California off of the radar. 

He can get to New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago and Baltimore/DC in one easy flight.  Ironically, Fairfield (50 miles from NYC) takes almost as long to drive as it does to fly when you consider getting to the airport, parking and pat down.

When our son was a freshman we made his Thanksgiving flight before school even started.  It seemed like a good idea at the time but we ended up giving up his return flight because he needed to get back for swim practice.  Still, I do not regret that because it was far less expensive in August than it would have been in the fall.

When his roommate from Sacramento, CA became ill several years ago it brought the distance issue much closer.  His mother needed to make arrangements to fly to Connecticut and could not get there for almost 24 hours.  They think we’re crazy until something like that happens.

Here’s to those freshman parents who are welcoming their children home for the first time since their college adventure began…and to the rest of us who are happy to have a full house, even if it is only for a few days!

Until next time!

Jude Russo Caserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

Twitter: JudeCaserta

Linkedin: Jude Russo Caserta

E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com

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15 Hour Drive for 2 Minutes and 10 Seconds

It’s true.  We are THOSE parents and darn proud of it!

I have always been fascinated by the parents of student athletes and now that I am one of them I understand so much more.  Many of the coaches I work with tell me about the wonderful things their parents do for the program and believe me, most of them are not sexy…just a great way for them to save money and to save time.

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending a Canisius College Women’s Soccer game on the campus of Fairfield University.  We arrived on campus Friday evening to attend his swim meet at the University of Connecticut the next day.   This was the first time a Canisius event occurred on campus while I was there for a swim meet since my son started there in 2008.

Decked out in my Canisius College Athletics jacket, I found the visitors section by listening for the cheers from their hale hearty fans.  I would venture a guess that the entirety of the visitors section had some sort of DNA match with someone on the field. 

I introduced myself as a member of the Canisius athletic staff and enjoyed meeting nice folks who share the student athlete parent bond.  We talked about the competition in the conference and the frequency of the games.  We compared notes on distance traveled and they commended me for traveling so far each week for our son’s meets.

My favorite conversation was with a mom who wanted to let me know how much easier it was to be the parent of a swimmer rather than one of an outdoor sport.  She supposed it was much easier to sit in a natatorium than to battle the elements.  She thought it more comfortable to be indoors and while she is mostly correct she does not understand how oppressive the heat can be in a pool.  When you are cold you can add layers but when you are in the pool and sweating from the high heat and humidity you cannot take off your skin.

My answer was simple.  I gave her the weather issue and agreed we have it easier to be indoors.  But I left her with a thought.  If their child was a starter or even a top layer substitute they watched them play for 1-1 ½ hours in a game that lasts about 2 hours total start to finish.  But with swimming you could attend a meet which lasts 3-4 hours (including diving but that’s another blog) and your child could potentially compete less than a minute if they are a sprinter.  Whoosh, they are done!

If this seems like complaining, I’m not.  Actually I’m honored to be able to attend so many meets and grateful for the time and means to do it.

This week it will be at least 20 hours…but he may swim a longer event so maybe it will be 4 ½ minutes!

Until next time!

Jude

Linkedin: Jude Russo Caserta

Twitter: MidMajorMom

Twitter: JudeCaserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

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Tang, Aquanet, Beehives and Bewitched

Tang.

I absolutely love Tang.  Come on!  The astronauts drank it so how bad could it be?  Unless zero gravity did something to magically transform this incredible powder nothing you can say to me can deter me from being passionately in love with Tang. 

I also cannot remember the last time I had it.  Seriously, I guess they still make it but I have not had it in years…yet…as I type this I can taste it right now.  And, I feel happy, awash in the memories I have so genuinely attached to the sweet and tangy tangerine drink.

As I enter the “way back” machine it is Thursday evening in 1969 and my mother is in the bathroom spraying Aquanet hairspray on her already perfectly quaffed beehive hairdo.  It’s bowling night and she is getting ready to go bowling with her sisters and her mother.  My sister is little, lying on her stomach in the middle of the family room watching television and waiting for Bewitched to come on at 8:30pm.  My brother is around, probably doing homework or listening to his stereo in his original man cave (he didn’t have to share a room…) complete with a Kenwood receiver and Yamaha speakers.

 My father’s car dealership closed at 9:00pm on Thursdays and he stayed until the last prospect either signed or left.  My brother was in charge!  He was instructed to let my sister stay up and watch Bewitched but knew she had to go to bed immediately following her favorite show.  Dad would probably not get home until at least 9:30pm and that gave us about 20 minutes for T.A.N.G!!! 

Now, we never used a measuring spoon/scoop/cup to make our sugary elixir, no sir!  We just poured it into the bottom of the glass and added water.  There were times when we had so much powder in the bottom of the glass that no amount of stirring would blend it together.  If he added ice cubes the sugar would plaster to the cube like glue making the ice almost slimy.  All the better!  We would sip away acting like kids who stole the bottle of rum, trying to finish our syrupy drink before dad got home.  It was our Thursday tradition.  I remember when he went away to Notre Dame missing the Tang buddy almost as much as I missed him driving me around everywhere.

I have so many memories of my brother but this one brings our bond into clear view for me.  Joe – do they have Tang in heaven?  I’ll bet they do!

Until next time! 

Jude Russo CasertaAthleticBudgetCoach.com

Twitter: JudeCaserta

Linkedin: Jude Russo Caserta

E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com

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30 Things I’ve learned From My Husband

1                    Some people like ketchup on eggs

2                    If you imagine a golf hole the size of a garbage can you have a great chance to two putt

3                    Don’t spend it ‘till you got it

4                    The Red Sox rule

5                    A man can watch TV with his eyes closed

6                    Rum and tonic needs a lemon wedge

7                    Look inside for validation, now outside

8                    The grill really IS his domain

9                    In times of crisis it’s good to go to church…just in case

10                Plan for tomorrow and live for today

11                Even when you don’t like each other you will always love each other

12                It’s ok to marry the first person you meet at freshmen orientation

13                Giving to others is most meaningful when they don’t know you’re doing it

14                Even after the worst winter the grass always grows back

15                Surviving the bad times make the good times oh so sweet

16                Being a good father is easy when you are willing to make the hard decisions

17                Time is way more valuable than money

18                Be a Weeble – learn how to wobble but not fall down

19                Ignore the steaks for 10 minutes and they will be perfect

20                Be a Buffalo fan, even when it hurts

21                Take satisfaction in a job well done, even if no one else knows you did it

22                Not all family is connected to you by blood

23                Never interrupt

24                Don’t scream when the goalie comes out of the crease – it’s only a delayed penalty

25                Sunday dinner is important, even if it’s just the two of us

26                Even the most mundane tasks, done without prompting, scream I love you

27                Even after they driest summer the grass always grows back

28                Apologizing after an argument is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength

29                A round of golf didn’t happen unless you can remember every shot

30                When he said he would love me and honor me all the days of my life, he meant it.

Here’s to you, Tommy on 30 absolutely incredible years!  Happy anniversary.

Life is good!

Jude

Twitter: MidMajorMom

Twitter: JudeCaserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

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We Survived the Teen Years!

My baby is 20 years old today.  We made it!  The teen years are now in the rearview mirror…where did they go?

It was just 2003 when he was in 8th grade at St. Peter’s School in Lewiston.  They were fundraising for their class trip to Splash Mountain in Erie, PA.  There were only 16 kids in his class at that point and they seemed to have passed that petty junior high nonsense. 

Age 14, as a freshman at Canisius High School, he endured one of the biggest disappointments of his life: getting cut from the swim team.  It was a hugely humbling experience which he ultimately turned around by working out, eating better and swimming more with his club.  By senior year he was voted a captain and contributed to another championship.

Age 15 was frustrating for him because his high school friends were largely located 45 minutes from home with the reliance of parents to get them together.  This was the year where all he did was wish away time…I wish I could drive…I wish I could just go out with my friends without it being a huge production…I wish I were older…I wish…I wish…I wish…

Age 16 – oh, how I remember this day!  Anthony, being Anthony, had done all the research and knew what pieces of ID we needed to get his learners permit.  He probably lined them all up in a folder, clearly marked.  I had the folder with me when I dropped him off at school with the understanding I would pick him up immediately following school and bring him to the DMV.  I picked him up but realized when were nearly on the Grand Island bridge that I forgot the neat folder of ID in my office.  We had to go back, delaying us about 35 minutes.  We got to the DMV at 3:55pm and the woman at the window would not process the paperwork and let him take the test.  You see, there was a clearly marked sign explaining that right next to the window…in four languages so it would be understood by all parents and guardians from all walks of life and continents.  Needless to say, he was not a happy camper.  Bad mother.  I did bring him to the Power Vista parking lot near Niagara University and let him drive around there.  If I was busted, I didn’t care.  Arrest me for letting my “undocumented minor” drive around a parking lot!

Age 17 – college applications were nearly done and waiting for guidance to complete the process.  Little did I know, that was when the true teen angst (his and mine) would begin.  My angst: him driving at night.  His angst: where to go to college.

Age 18 and 19 – freshman and sophomore year at Fairfield University, accounting major and swim team…

We had dinner with him on Friday, saw him swim at UConn Saturday and took him to breakfast this morning.  Zoom zoom…he’s 20!

The older I get, the faster time goes!

Life is good!

Jude

Twitter: MidMajorMom

Twitter: JudeCaserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

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Please Don’t Come to My Swim Meets – You’ll Embarrass Me!

From June 2008 until October 2008 there was a not so silent argument going on in our house.  Our son decided to attend Fairfield University and “walk-on” to the varsity swim team.  His coach explained that if you go to practice and work hard you will be in the line-up.  You may be swimming “off events” but you will be in the line-up.  What an incredible opportunity for a kid who earned full tuition – a chance to be on a team!  But, no, he did not want us there.  He didn’t know what to expect and did not want the extra pressure of having us in the stands in case he did not actually get to swim.

For those of you who are not familiar with a competitive swim team please see my next blog “My Child is Enrollment Management?”  As I describe, mid-major swim teams traditionally are used more as enrollment management, with few scholarship dollars, than responsible for generating revenue in ticket sales. 

If you know me, you know my husband and I try to attend most of our son’s swim meets.  Last year we only missed one and it was one that was rescheduled due to an equipment malfunction.  Remember, every meet is an away meet when your child goes to school seven hours from home.  So, how did we get to this point when two years ago he didn’t even want us in the humid cavern known as a natatorium?

The first meet was at Holy Cross, another wonderful Jesuit institution of higher learning in Worcester, MA.  My husband and I insisted we would attend his first NCAA Division I sporting event – you would have needed an act of Congress to keep us away.  We would respect his wishes the rest of the season, but the first meet? Of course we were going to be there!

Sure enough, when he climbed on the block, pushing his goggles on his eyes with the palms of his hand like I had seen him do 100’s of times before, I could see the smile on his face when they introduced him.  In lane one, swimming for Fairfield University, Anthony Caserta!  I could see my husband’s chest expand – nothing can describe the feeling of having your child compete in intercollegiate athletics – absolutely nothing.  I can safely say it is right up there with marriage and birthing babies – seriously, it is!  It is the validation that all of their time and effort in training and academics was worth it.  It is also validation that all of your parental sacrifice of time and treasure helped them achieve a dream.

So, how did I end up here, at a Courtyard Marriott in Worcester, MA following his second meet, two years later, at Holy Cross?  Turns out, he glanced up to the stands while he climbed up on the block and saw his blubbering parents standing there cheering him on.  As a freshman, he still did not know any other parents so, if we were not there, who would cheer for him?  He came up to the stands later to thank us.

The next meet was the following Friday against MAAC rival St. Peter’s College at their home pool on campus.  My husband and I must have gotten ten texts a piece from him telling us about his swims and complaining that no one knows him and is not cheering for him.  I am sure that is not true as we cheer for all of the kids but to a lonely freshman it was his reality.  It was those texts that made us change our plans and decide to travel to as many meets as possible and we haven’t looked back.

To this day, I still do not remember how he did his first race.  How could I see it through my tears of pride?

Life is good!

Jude

Twitter: MidMajorMom

Twitter: JudeCaserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

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When You Tweet With Me, You Tweet With Me!

I think of this every Friday when I copy my followers that week from my Excel spreadsheet to my word document, that I spend a lot of time trying to be “social” with social media.  I know what you are thinking…Excel spreadsheet…Word document…she’s geek of the week.

I just don’t get this fully automated social media nonsense.  It really seems like an oxymoron to me – how do you automate something which is supposed to be about social interaction?  That doesn’t sound very social to me!

I had someone reach out to me on my www.MidMajorMom.WordPress.com blog yesterday asking me about what I thought about adding personal stuff on her “pro” Twitter account.  Please follow @ldelmonte – she is an interesting lady and learning about all of this social media etiquette.  I told her I really did not enjoy Twitter until I spent more time doing @mentions rather than just Tweeting my ideas.  I also began enjoying it more when I took the time to read other people’s blogs and visit their websites.  It helped me know whether I wanted them in my timeline and I always get great pleasure ReTweeting someone’s Tweet if I think my followers will enjoy it as much as I do.

You can also over-do ReTweeting, in my opinion.  It is a lot like forwarding e-mails.  I stopped using one of my e-mail accounts because I have a person who ONLY sends me forwarded e-mails (who hasn’t read the one about the dollar coins not having “In God We Trust” on it by now? It does, by the way, on the side).  How many in this room delete e-mails whose subject line starts with FWD:?  Take time to tell me why you like the Tweet and you engage in “social” media.

I vet my followers and use thought when I follow someone.  I take pride in the fact that I follow only 17 people/associations that do not follow me.  I take pride in the fact that I am on a lot of lists (one list for every 15 followers…not bad at all).  I take pride that I personally thank each follower who took the time to follow me that week. 

When you Tweet with me, you Tweet with me!

Until next time!

Jude Russo Caserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog

Twitter: JudeCaserta

Linkedin: Jude Russo Caserta

E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com

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Don’t You Dare Say “It’s Only Division III”

Being a college athlete is a big deal.  There are only about 400,000 NCAA student athletes out of nearly 8,000,000 college students across the country. 

I just read a very interesting press release http://bit.ly/c7SRyv posted on the website of the National Federation of State High School Associations titled “High School Sports Participation Tops 7.6 Million, Sets Record.”  Think about this: 55.1% of high school students participated in athletics last year – more than 1 in 2 students had a coach, had to juggle academics and athletics and had to learn what it was like to lose.

What struck me, though, is that when you look at these raw numbers still fewer than 5% of these student athletes participate in college sports in one of the three NCAA (www.ncaa.com) divisions.  Even if you assume that half of them participate in two sports and one quarter of them participate in three sports that percentage only goes up to 8%.

Not every student athlete wants to compete at the BCS Division I level.  Many of them know they need to concentrate on their studies to get them into graduate school or into the workforce.  Athletics, to them, is a way to round out their college experience.  My son is a Division I student athlete who gets no money to compete in the pool – his scholarship money (full tuition) comes from academic sources.

Parents, as you help your high school student athlete look for colleges, keep mid-major schools on their radar.  They have the greatest percentage opportunity to combine academics and athletics for a fantastic college experience.

Until next time!

Jude Russo Caserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

Twitter: JudeCaserta

www.MidMajorMom.WordPress.com

Linkedin: Jude Russo Caserta

E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com

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Evolution of a Student Athlete

In the beginning…

There was a parent teaching a child. 

They learned to read.

Later the teacher was called a coach.

They studied.

They tried lots of different sports.  

 They studied more.

Teams became more organized.

 They continued studying.

They had to choose one specialty sport.

 They took standardized tests.

They had to practice at all hours of the day.

 They applied to college.

They selected their college. 

 They made a team!

Easy Peezy Lemon Squeezy!

Life is good!

Jude

Twitter: MidMajorMom

Twitter: JudeCaserta

AthleticBudgetCoach.com

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