By BudgetCoach on August 17, 2010
Today’s post was inspired by my friend Amy who is what I call an “adult onset athlete” and whose journey I find inspiring. She talks about how jubilant she felt at the end of a triathlon this past Sunday until she saw the times. She talks openly about the struggle. I really think anyone could identify with her self doubt.
Just to get this out of the way, I work in a competitive world where victory is easily quantified. 1-0 you win, 0-1 you lose. Simple. Straight forward. When a swimmer touches the wall first, a runner has the streamer of victory across their chest or a hockey team scores more goals than their competitors we have easy visuals that let us know without doubt who the winner is. Right? Well, by the numbers, yes this is correct, but the numbers do not tell everything.
What you see isn’t always what is.
I remember years ago, July 1984 to be precise, watching a man and a little boy through the glass at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. The man (I was thinking Daddy but I really had no idea who it was) was tossing the little boy up in the air much to his delight. At that same time our late son, just hours post-op from his open heart surgery, was rushed back into intensive care with complications. Watching the obvious joy on the boy’s face and the pure love on the man’s face filled me with sadness and jealousy. How could anyone be happy when my world was crashing down at my feet? My husband helped me reframe. He reminded me that they too were at the hospital. You don’t just randomly show up there and toss your little boy around. We had no idea what their story was. They likely had someone in surgery or intensive care, as well. And, where was the mom? Was she still in the hospital herself, separated from her family during such a difficult time? Where I saw joy and felt sadness my husband saw sadness and felt compassion. Once again, what you see isn’t always what is.
I posted a comment on Amy’s blog which I thought of when I read her post today:
Your journey is not to be benchmarked by your times. It is to be judged by the shiver you get when you finish, when you feel the effort was worth your time, not your time being worth the effort.
Here is Amy’s URL: http://amymoritz.wordpress.com/2010/08/17/the-experience-is-reason-enough/#comment-244
I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did.
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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Posted in Athletic administrator, Mid Major Mom Tagged amy moritz, Defining Victory, MidMajorMom, triathlon
By BudgetCoach on August 12, 2010
Somehow, oh so subtly I stopped buying glue sticks in August. I no longer look for that brown paper bag Office Max used to supply with the Sunday newspaper. I don’t have to stop by the school office and see what plethora of random supplies we will have to invest in each year.
I’m not buying an art smock or colored pencils. Oh, and about that smock – when did we go from wearing our father’s old shirt inside-out to a smock which must be replaced every year? There seems to be a smock scam if you ask me!
I no longer buy crayons or safety scissors. I always followed the list. Religiously. If the list said 24 crayons, 24 it was. Not 16 and not the box of 64 with the sharpener. And, of course, we also had to buy a sharpener. One year, maybe 3rd grade, I “splurged” and went off the list, buying Anthony the box of 64…he was so excited because he never had the one with the sharpener before. I asked him how many kids in his class had the big box and he said there was a bunch. Little did I know my son had crayon envy? Poor thing…annual vacations to California and Florida, dinners at the yacht club, swimming at the country club and my poor deprived son had crayon envy. How did I survive the trauma of depriving my son of a crayon sharpener and #77 Outrageous Orange?
I’ll tell you how – I stopped going off of the list, that’s how! Some teachers were so specific about what notebooks they wanted we used to have to drive all over hells creation looking for them. Well, one year I just stopped. If generic antibiotic is good enough for people then generic spiral notebooks are good enough, too.
Anthony knew not to argue…as long as I bought him the Crayola 64 he was “in” on the supply list mutiny. I just told him to let me know if a teacher ever complained. If they did, I just sent him to school the next day with two more boxes of Kleenex. That should shut ‘em up!
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com
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E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com
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Posted in Mid Major Mom Tagged art smock, colored pencils, crayon sharpener, crayons, First day of school, glue sticks, kleenex, mid major mom, office max, safety scissors, school supplies, spiral notebooks
By BudgetCoach on August 2, 2010
100’s, 1,000’s or 1,000,000’s of studies have likely concentrated on the difference between planners and improvisers. While I am sure these are valid and learned, all you really need to study is my sister and me.
I wing it. Me – whatever? She plans it…and plans it…and plans some more…
I must admit, however, I am a firm and committed planner at work – it’s what I do. But personally, planning only gets me frustrated and flustered. The best times I usually have are those spontaneous moments when we meet friends for dinner or make a plan after church for later in the day.
One of my favorite (relatively) recent spontaneous events was last October when attending a swim meet at Providence College in Rhode Island. My dear friend Cindi and her husband met me for dinner and I was supposed to go back to their home for the night before driving home the next day. Turns out I am allergic to their house! A few phone calls later and a free room, Cindi and I checked in and had a slumber party complete with wine and silly t-shirts. It was awesome!
My sister’s daughter drove here yesterday with some friends from high school. She will be attending college here later this month and wanted her friends to see campus and the area. I had no idea when she was going to arrive and where they were going to stay. I had no idea where they were eating and how many to prepare for. My sister was crazy with the idea Anna had no plan. Seriously, I couldn’t blame her. Ultimately it took Anna 8 hours to make a 4 hour drive. Now that’s timing!
It wasn’t until yesterday I actually realized there is a difference between being spontaneous and being a winger. A spontaneous trip is a great idea. But, a spontaneous trip still takes planning.
Anna’s friends will likely see ½ of what she had hoped they would. But, the beauty of being 18 is that they really don’t care!
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com
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Posted in Mid Major Mom, Totally Random! Tagged planners, spontaneous, wingers
By BudgetCoach on July 29, 2010
Anyone familiar with amateur golf knows about the Porter Cup. The rest of the world, not so much! Beginning yesterday and continuing until Saturday the annual Porter Cup
will be played at my club, Niagara Falls Country Club. My summer has included this tournament since I was a teenager. Winners include Ben Crenshaw, Phil Mickelson, Gary Nicklaus, Scott Verplank and David Duval. Both Mike Weir and Tiger Woods competed but did not take home the hardware.
This volunteer run event is everything a special event should be – great athletic competition, (future) star gazing and cocktails!
Back in the ‘70’s my dad used to provide the vehicles for transportation and champions. For several years in high school and college I ran the transportation committee. Back then it consisted of dad’s cars and my teen-aged girlfriends who picked up golfers at the airport and delivered them back there after the tournament. 
One of my favorite stories is about when Ben Crenshaw disappeared after a particularly bad round with one of my father’s cars. My father was furious and the tournament directors were frantic. As the story goes, Crenshaw (known at the time for his temper and on course antics) decided to withdraw from the tournament only he did not actually withdraw. He simply left for Toronto (50 miles to the north) for the weekend for “who knows what” and returned the car unscathed early the next week. Many years later, at a Porter Cup board meeting (I now serve on the Board of Directors of the Porter Cup) someone mentioned Crenshaw’s mysterious disappearance. It was no mystery to me and I shared what I knew. No one in that room knew the actual story but me!
The tournament today is prestigious and expertly run. I had the opportunity to serve as General Chairman in 2004, only the second woman to serve in that capacity in the tournaments 52 years. That special event experience also served as my internship for my Master’s degree in Sport Administration.
Please see www.PorterCup.com for more information including the history of the tournament as well as live scoring.
More tomorrow from inside the tournament!
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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Posted in A Budget Coach's life in Sports, Mid Major Mom, Totally Random! Tagged amateur golf, athletic competition, ben crenshaw, david duval, gary nicklaus, mike weir, niagara falls country club, phil mickelson, Porter Cup, scott verplank, tiger woods
By BudgetCoach on July 27, 2010
What do I know about riffs? Absolutely nothing, well almost nothing anyway! A few years ago, during a management staff meeting, our Director of Athletic Communications commented that one of his assistants spent the better part of Sunday evening clearing riffs for the baseball team. It seems the riffs (refers to any short series of notes that create a melody within the melody of the song (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostinato)) had some suggestive or violent language inappropriate for some fans (including the middle aged administrators!) and he spent a great deal of time editing the CD.
I guess I never paid much attention but learned that all ball players (at home) are introduced with their own riff – some part of a song that gets them psyched to hit a grand slam every time they step up to the plate.
That got me thinking…I need a riff! Or maybe an entire CD filled with short musical moments that would summarize my actions at the moment or summarize my life.
Here is a short list:
Life’s Been Good (Eagles) as I get out of bed
Takin’ Care Of Business (Bachman Turner Overdrive) – as I unlock my office each day
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant (Billy Joel) as I cook dinner (I wish!)
At Last (Etta James) whenever I get to spend time with my husband
I Hope You Dance (Lee Ann Womack) whenever I miss my son at school or think about him leaving home for the city lights
Hey Jude (Beatles) – for every time I introduce myself to someone who is oh so clever and begins singing it to me (this would truly be the best defense is a good offence!)
Did I get you thinking? What’s your riff? Tell me, please!
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
Twitter: JudeCaserta
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E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com
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Posted in A Budget Coach's life in Sports, Athletic administrator, College Athletics, Mid Major Mom, Totally Random! Tagged athletic communications, bachman turner overdrive, billy joel, etta james, hey jude beatles, lee ann womack, linkedin, riff, scenes from an italian restaurant, twitter
By BudgetCoach on July 23, 2010
Seriously, have you? My website has been down for several weeks and I have not posted a blog since July 5th. I had no idea how much I missed the entire exchange and how much I enjoyed writing.
I want to thank Geof and Matt at WordPress for their great work at a very reasonable price. Sometimes we end up biting off more than we can chew and folks like them save our butts on a regular basis. We wanted the blog to be the “landing page” for our website and we had some technical difficulties accomplishing this.
The exciting news is that we are going to improve our current website and begin to talk about the different opportunities we have to offer our higher education friends.
In addition, I am going to expand my writing to include my other persona – Mid Major Mom. I am going to continue writing about what it is like to be the parent of a Division I student athlete, the goings on in a mid major athletic department (you know, like kick ball tournaments and cooking contests – everything is competitive in athletics!) and life in general.
I’ve missed you – I hope you have missed me, too! If so, please take a moment, register as a user, and drop me a note.
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com
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Posted in A Budget Coach's life in Sports, Mid Major Mom, Totally Random! Tagged technical difficulties, website down, wordpress
By BudgetCoach on July 23, 2010
It seems I write a lot about loss…and I guess I do but our family has had our share of loss through the years. Doesn’t it seem that some people are touched by death only when their loved one is old and infirmed? The children in our family have way too much experience with death. My eldest niece and nephew still remember my son’s funeral and wake over 22 years ago. And, on July 20, 2001, nine years ago their father, my big brother Joe Russo, at the age of 48 passed away.
I thank God I had a good relationship with him. He drove me crazy but in that good way only a sibling can. He was so proud of his kids he would blab of their accomplishments well before they could tell their own story. That drove us crazy. He was a devoted University of Notre Dame alumnus and once broke a piece of furniture during a football game. That drove my sister-in-law crazy! He was the eldest child, and a male, in a second generation Italian American family. If you don’t know what that means, trust me, he could do anything he wanted simply because he was a boy. My sister and I could have used some Title IX in the house!
He had a record player in his room when we were kids. He used to help me buy 45’s and play them on his turntable using those little plastic inserts. He helped calm my mother down when I hit a creepy kid on the school bus with my metal lunch box and broke my thermos. He used to take me to concerts with the best seats in the house which we got from TV and radio stations where our car dealer dad used to advertise. He used to drive me to the library on Saturday mornings once he turned 16. He was in my wedding and I was in his. He made me an aunt for the first time. He would think out loud and let me listen. He was my late son Tommy’s Godfather. He was what every big brother ought to be.
I miss him.
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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Posted in Mid Major Mom, Totally Random! Tagged big brother, italian american family, metal lunch box, record player, thermos, university of notre dame
By BudgetCoach on July 2, 2010
My eldest would be 26 years old today! Imagine, I am the mother of a 26 year old – not actually, but I could be. He was born on a Monday, after a pretty normal Sunday except my water broke and I had to go to the hospital. About 20 hours later, born by C-section was beautiful dark haired Tommy, named after his Daddy and his Papa. I could see he was beautiful even without my glasses!
For those few hours in recovery all was right with the world. My husband went home for some sleep and to make some phone calls (no cell phones back then!). As the story goes, the doctors became concerned that he was not “pinking up” and called my husband back saying they were going to transport him to Children’s Hospital of Buffalo. My husband called our church and they dispatched our wonderful assistant pastor, Father Zaepfel. Tommy was baptized in the recovery room at Mount St. Mary’s Hospital in Lewiston, New York.
After some complications (the equivalent of a stroke in an adult on 7/3) Tommy was diagnosed with transposition of the great vessels on July 4, 1984. VERY long story short we transported him by air ambulance to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia where my sister-in-law was just beginning her internship and he was scheduled for a new surgery (performed fewer than 10 times in the US) on his two week birthday.
The surgery was successful and likely is why we had him with us for nearly four years. I can never thank the folks at CHOP enough for their gift to my family. Tommy developed a seizure disorder likely due to the event (a bit of a fit as described by a British intern at Children’s Buffalo) on July 3. He also had Cerebral Palsy for probably the same reason – not good to deprive the brain of oxygen, you know?
Tommy died on May 14, 1988 after being in a coma from a massive and lengthy seizure for almost 4 months. I spent years trying to make sense of it but that can never be done. The good news is, even though it will never make sense, I have allowed joy back in my life and I live it every day as if it were the best one I will ever have.
I am a mom.
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
Twitter: JudeCaserta
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Posted in Mid Major Mom, Totally Random! Tagged Being a Mom, Bittersweet birthday, cerebral palsy, Childrens Hospital of Philadephia, Losing a child, seizure disorder, transposition of the great arteries
By BudgetCoach on May 14, 2010
I know this seems backwards and it’s true, it is. Act II was written and posted first http://athleticbudgetcoach.com/blog/?p=248 and there is a huge reason for that. My son Anthony, writing his last finals on May 13, 2010, is my second child. For me, Mother’s Day is about the living. It is how I have been able to deal with not having both my sons with me. Just like the Christmas picture that never was, if I dwell on what I have lost then there is no joy in the day.
Hugging Mother’s Day is the anniversary of my son Tommy’s passing. May 14th 1988. Adding insult to considerable injury, May 14, 1989 (his first anniversary) was on Mother’s Day. See what I mean…can’t dwell…
On July 2, 1984 our first son was born by c-section. Ouch. After only a few hours his color did not improve to a vibrant pink and was whisked off to Children’s Hospital in Buffalo after a quick baptismal ceremony held in recovery.
He was diagnosed with Transposition of the Great Arteries (http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-transposition-of-the-great-arteries.htm) and a VSD. VERY long story short, we took him to Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia for a successful surgery.
Just a few months after visiting Philadelphia for the year post operative exam (where he looked great) he began having regular seizures. He didn’t physically develop at age level and was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. We never went more than two months without an in-patient stay at Children’s. This abnormal experience became part of our normal life.
What I describe here is a very sickly child. He was anything but! He had an outgoing personality and quick smile. He had a sense of humor and a twinkle in his eye. He once negotiated with Santa when he was given a toy at the Christmas party at his school, Niagara Children’s ETC. It was a yellow plastic school bus. He told Santa he already had a bus, he wanted a book.
In January 1988 he had a seizure and was in a coma for 3 ½ months. The phone call just before dawn on May 14th is like a distant dream to me today and the years of grief replaced by a life of gratefulness. I survived what I hope is the very worst period of my life.
Funny thing is, I am a very happy person and I really appreciate my life. My husband and I beat the odds and are going to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this fall. He is a past president of the board of directors of Niagara Cerebral Palsy and is also an active member of the Cerebral Palsy of New York State board. Our second son, Anthony, is a really nice kid. He works hard and seems to love life like his two parents. Best of all, he is sensitive to folks with disabilities and carries the essence of his brother in his perfectly healthy heart.
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com
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Posted in Mid Major Mom, Student Athlete Parent, Totally Random! Tagged baptismal ceremony, buffalo, cerebral palsy, outgoing personality, seizure, sense of humor, sickly child, transposition of the great arteries
By BudgetCoach on May 9, 2010
If you are looking for some kind of budget coach babble or college athletics insight, today’s blog is not for you. Stop reading and please check back next week when I will resume my inside view of college athletic business. However, if you would like to indulge me, I will give you a little glimpse into my life and what makes me tick.
I am the mother of two sons. The first was born in 1984 and passed away on May 14, 1988. Tommy is the first “Act” I describe in the title. The second “Act” began when my second son was born in 1990. Two and one half excruciatingly long years after the death of his brother. I have been a mother in two acts with a 2 ½ year intermission.
In 1990 when Anthony was born I was still in the middle of a long grieving process. I used to watch him sleep and wait for him to have a seizure like his brother. That never happened. I cried for years at Christmas when we took a family picture for our annual Christmas card knowing that all four of us would never be in one picture together.
What I did make peace with eventually was that I am the luckiest person on earth to be chosen to raise two extraordinary children. When I was pregnant with Anthony I prayed for ordinary. All the right parts in all the right places…Please God let him be healthy…and he was.
We watched his brother struggle with health issues his entire short life. Anthony almost sensed this even as a young child and has displayed real courage and character whenever he has had challenges. When he was cut from the swim team his freshman year in high school after being an all-star in elementary school he visited the coach the day the list was posted. He asked the coach what he could do to make the team next year. About a week later he set out on a course to lose 10 pounds and start working out. He ended up losing 35 pounds, grew two inches and swam regularly with his club. He made the team the next year and was selected a captain his senior year.
When he searched for a college he did it without the intention to swim. I am proud to say he earned Presidential scholarships at three schools and attends Fairfield University on a full academic scholarship. The greatest surprise is that he decided to walk-on to the team and continues to improve his times.
The hardest thing for me has been letting him do what he needs to do. Having one child die can cause difficulty when raising another. It can be tempting to put him in a bubble and protect him in case something bad is going to happen. It is hard to see him fall and fail but I know if he is going to learn how to succeed and thrive he needs to skin his knees and bruise his ego.
I am also lucky that my own incredible mother is still with me. I spent the day with her today and know that each Mother’s Day is special and unique.
Motherhood has also taught me I am much stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I take no credit for surviving the death of a child but I will accept some for picking myself up and trying again, just like my extraordinary second “Act” son Anthony who has made his mother proud at every turn.
Until next time!
Jude Russo Caserta
AthleticBudgetCoach.com/blog
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E-mail: judi_caserta@athleticbudgetcoach.com
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Posted in Mid Major Mom, Student Athlete Parent Tagged all star, athletic business, christmas card, courage, freshman year, glimpse, grieving process, health issues, insight, peace, seizure, struggle, swim team
